Getting the Epitaph Right

Thank the Gods and Goddesses for my sisters' younger memories

I was in the flow of sharing my mother’s last words, and neglected to fact check her epitaph with my sisters. I was tearfully remembering the gathering after her funeral, and how people were crying and laughing (always a good sign of being genuinely loved and missed) and transplanted their words of “Everybody’s Best Friend” to her tombstone. It’s an amazing group effort to decide what to “etch in stone,” a feckless attempt to capture an entire life. Too often it falls to “Beloved Partner and Parent,” corrected for gender. Clever sayings are surprises and say a lot more. One brilliant daughter engraved her mother’s secret recipe for a dessert, ensuring more visitors.

Here is what we actually decided on, a contribution by a family friend of fifty years:

“She Loved Everybody More Than Anybody.”

This perfectly captures the essence of our mom. I wanted to get it right for you. Because in addition to writing your own eulogy, you might start thinking about what loved ones might say about you, what feels true enough to be chiseled in granite.

I end this errata piece with a pertinent poem from 1996. It has touched so many.

The Dash

by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
from the beginning…to the end.

He noted that first came the date of birth
and spoke the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own,
the cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real
and always try to understand
?the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile,
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

?So, when your eulogy is being read,
with your life’s actions to rehash…
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent YOUR dash?

Copyright ©:: Linda Ellis